I know what you mean, I’m the “funny guy” who’s always there to listen to everyone elses problems but I have no idea how to deal with my own, I just bottle it all up. Honestly, a journal helps a bit. Just tell it everything, it’s always there for you
I don’t even know what’s going on in my life anymore.
Most of the time, I feel like a zombie just watching everything move, grow,rise, fall and die around me. I’m not emotionally connected to much at all. The world I live in is so frustrating. I feel like a zombie to the real world, but in my world I feel everything. It’s very painful. I don’t understand what’s going on with me. I can’t explain how I feel or what I see, but I do know that if I had the choice, I’d be blind and numb to it.
Sometimes at night, I stare in the dark in pain. A pain I can’t stop and I can’t cry. My biggest problem, and has been for some time, is that I cannot cry. So here I am, laying in the dark trying to cry to release… something, make some tears, because that means that I feel the pain….right? So every night, I go to bed with a heavy heart and there’s nothing I can do about it.
What I DO know is that I need help.
I’m severely socially awkward. It doesn’t show to much people because I become a comedian. The only problem is, after the crowd leaves, they carry their laughs and the pain comes again.
I have a great ear for most; especially my friends. I don’t havea problem with listening, but who’s going to listen to me? And it’s not that I don’t have willing ears, it’s that…. I don’t know where to start, how to start. Hell, I don’t even know what to say. The more I listen to everyone’s problems, the deeper I push mine. The deeper it goes, the more painful it becomes. And there is NO. ONE. HERE. AT. NIGHT.
People take the simple act of crying for granted. I don’t know why I find it so difficult to cry. I………