looking over how much my blog has grown brings me happiness and i want to continue this thing becz learning about people never gets old. thank you for checking in, thank you for sharing your stories, thank you for everything.
One of my loved ones is on her deathbed and she requested to see me.
I do not want to go.
I don’t want to go.
I do not want to be there.
Well, it’s not that I don’t want to go. I’m actually more afraid of what I will see when I get there and what she has to tell me.
I’ve witnesed three friends of mine simply wither away and it messed me up, man. But especially now, at a time when I’m dealing wish issues of my mental health, I don’t think I can handle it. Handle seeing her. Handle hearing her. Handle what she has to say. Handle the thought that after I leave, it may be the last time I see her.
However, I DO know that if she passes and I never got to talk to her and hear her out or at least see her before she leaves the Earth, that will haunt me and futher plunge me into depression.
Just thinking about it is making me frustrated and stirring up my anxiety.
(In addition. Totally superficial, but pretty annoying. My medication is making me gain mad weight. I currenly weigh 180 lbs. Back at my “Start” weight from my last weight loss journey. Womp.